Not ready to go out

Chicago is in Phase 3 of its reopening plan. This means that restaurants can serve in outdoor seating areas and people can get their hair cut. Just seeing the pictures posted on social media of people eating at sidewalk venues with tons of people walking by them almost sent me running for the bomb shelter. Okay…I don’t actually have a bomb shelter or know where one is. It’s more of a reference to my grandfather who used to rush us all into a concrete bunker every time he saw lightening or heard thunder. He lived through a really bad tornado that destroyed his town before I was born, so he was a little jumpy.

But the point is that I am not ready. I’ve managed to get take out once. I’m trying to work my way up to doing it again but finding all kinds of excuses not to at this point. And with the riots and looting that took place this last week, I am even more anxious about going back out into the world. I know it is my agoraphobia adding to what is already a normal paranoid reaction to some of the events happening and the pandemic, but I think we all have to strike a balance between pushing against our boundaries in a healthy way and nursing ourselves a bit when we need it. I’m trying to strike that balance.

We did finally go for a walk again yesterday, so I feel this is improvement. We haven’t done curbside pick up from anywhere since the protests and riots and looting started, but I’m working my way up to possibly doing a curbside from my local grocery next week, depending on what the delivery service I use has available this week. And we’re talking about another take out meal, though I’m pretty sure we’re going with the place 3 doors down from our home that has a pick up window. Still, I think it’s progress. But I am definitely not sitting on a patio with tons of people walking by and the other tables maybe 6 ft away and dependent on people maintaining that 6 ft and eating. Not yet.

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